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Wednesday, 28 May 2003
today i started thinking about lauren agian. i don't know wwhy i just did. i realzed how much i still missed her. i kiind of got over my obsession with her, and for a while didn't think about her that much. and then today i just started thinking about her and remembered how much i still love her. i don't think i will ever fully get over her. she is one of those people who is always going to be there even if we never see eachother again in our lives i will always remember her. i don't know if i could ever be just freinds with her because it is different with her. g2g.
-jonjon
Posted by jonjonxdramaxboy
at 1:21 PM EDT
Tuesday, 27 May 2003
omg! i had the weirdest dream last night. i died and nobady cared. it was much like i imagined it would be if i really did die. nobody would care. then i got to thinking why don't i die. nobody would even most likely notice. i have no reason to live anymore. it's not like anyone is going to miss me or care if i am dead. so why don't i just do myself in. i am not going to be anything in this world. it's not like i am going to be the person to find the cure for cancer or anything. so why live. the world would probably be better off with out me. the only people i would miss and the only people that make me think twice about slitting my wrists are Naseem and Megan. they are just about all i live for right now. i always feel that no one cares about me anymore. everyone hates me. i want the world to end and i want all of the pain and suffering to go away. there is only one way i can think of doing that. so this, if i do do what i want to do, may be my last ntry in this blog. if i do die i want Megan and Naseem to know that i love them. and i would d anything for them. Megan i will miss you love. Naseem you are the person that makes world turn at the moment. however slowly it is turning it is you that keeps me alive. i just don't want to go on like this anymore. i am tired of not being able to sleep at night because of my depression. i am tried of cutting all night everynight. it is not fair to everyone else to have to deal with all of my shit, and i am sorry for everything. i hate to say this, but somethines i wish i had never been in any of the plays this year. i wouldn't have made any freinds which would have made it easieer to die. i hate the longing to see people. freinds make every thing more complicated in life. i want to end all ties i have to the world and lock myself in my sorrow and never come out. i want to be free from the torment of relationships. i don't want to have to be tied down by the few freinds i still have. i hate having to always work on my relationships. they are such a hastle to figure out so i have decided to kill myself once and for all.
good bye all. remember i love you.
-jonjon
Posted by jonjonxdramaxboy
at 12:51 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 27 May 2003 12:57 PM EDT
Thursday, 22 May 2003
Hi all! i hate school so much. i am in keyboarding and we are watching X-men. i have seen it a thousand times so it is pretty boring. i miss naseem. i haven't seen her forever and i want to see her/. i am getting depressed because i haven't seen any of my matcalf freinds since closing night of The Music Man.
today in life science we made these little mashmellow things, and mine looked just like GIR!! so i named it gir. i miss him. we had to put it in the display case outside of my class. i miss her so much. then miss bryda made us put a nose on it and then it looked like shit! i am going to sneak in and take the nose off of it. i hate miss bryda she is a dike and a bitch and i want to kill her. she makes life sience so boring.
i fekk really bad for Megan because her 'boyfreind' just told her that he was doing LSD now. and that he wasn't going to stop. and that if he could afford it he would do it once a week. and this made her really sad. she is also sad because robert is going to Canada for the summer and she will not be able to see him before he leaves. so her and i are ging to go up there and run around Toronto yelling for a fairy godmother named prozac until he comes out. that i sour summer plans. g2g now.
-jonjon 12:00 p.m.
Posted by jonjonxdramaxboy
at 1:00 PM EDT
Wednesday, 21 May 2003
I hate keyboarding! it is so fucking boring. that is the class i am in right nw. i hate school. today has been boring so far. i also hate FACS. that class is so boring. today we started oour sewing projects and i already fucked it up. i sewed something oon backwards so i had to cut i off and that really ruined it. i have no idea how to sew. so i am pretty sure mine is going to turn out like crap. i prolably won't even finish it by the due date. which is like the last day of school. i swear that my FACS teacher wears a wig. so in the last day of scholl i am going to find out if she does.
third hour (life science) was very boring. i now have a daughter made out of mashmellows. my partner and i have no idea what to name it. we were thinking either Albert or Quimby. even though it is girl. but oh well. and then after that third hour i went to lunch. there is nothing to say about lunch. so here we are now in fourth hour. the teacher is coming now so i have to go.
-JonJon
Posted by jonjonxdramaxboy
at 12:39 PM EDT
Monday, 19 May 2003
Well today was ok. i just found out that gabby is no longer with dale and in case some of you don't know the story here it is: a while ago gabby ran away with a 21 year old guy to god knows where. she said she was in love with him and he loved her but obviously he didn't love her and he just wanted to fuck her, but she wouldn't listen to us. and today i found out that dale left her for some other chick and left gabby. Now he is in New Mexico or some damn place. and still she says she is not coming home.
anyways other than that my day was pretty boring. i have a shitload of homework tonight because i was sick on thursday and friday of last week. i like the rain. it is pretty. in life science i just sat and looked out the window and watched the rain. and then i looked down and wondered what it would be like to jump out of the window. i thought about actually doing it. then i decided against it because there was no way i could get the screen off of the window without anyone noticing. that is all for now.
-JonJon
Posted by jonjonxdramaxboy
at 5:20 PM EDT
Sunday, 18 May 2003
i hate people who are narrowminded. they make me sick. just because they i am different or my freinds are different doesn't make us stupid or weird it just makes us different and who we are so all of those narrowminded people just back off. ok?
-JonJon
Posted by jonjonxdramaxboy
at 10:37 PM EDT
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